The Call for Humility

I was invited recently to share my experience with the Young Adults Ministry at Paya Lebar Methodist Church.  They wanted to give the young adults a chance to "connect with more experienced adults...(and) hear personal stories of the Christian faith, and of challenges and integrity..."  I wasn't sure I had anything worthwhile to share and said I would have to think and pray  about it.  What would I even talk about?  I didn't want to embarrass myself.  But the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I should trust God, trust that He is asking me to have faith and that He will be there to guide me.

So I accepted.  And did nothing for a while because I couldn't find a theme.  Then Philippians 2:3-4 came to my rescue again and I suddenly had a structure.  The following is a mix of the actual content of my talk and my notes that I relied on.  I have cleaned it up so as to make it more coherent than I was that day.  Well I tried.

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28th April 2018

Good afternoon. Thank you pastor for inviting me and it's a real privilege for me to be here.  I understand Bishop Wee was one of the previous speakers. Wow!  No pressure then.  

As you can probably tell, I am feeling a bit nervous.  If somebody had said to me that one day I would be standing in church giving a talk, I would have asked the guy, "What have you been smoking?"  And maybe by the time I've finished, you might ask me what I have been smoking.

I can't believe you came here to listen to me.  I can't believe I was invited! I'm sorry if you were expecting someone like Bishop Wee again.   I promise I won't get offended if you leave.  But maybe give me a few minutes at least...

I am sure some of you must be thinking, "Isn't it kind of hard to talk about humility without, well sounding a bit full of yourself?"  Don't worry.  My wife reminded me to be humble.  But in all honesty, I do need that reminder from time to time. Sorry, constantly.  Actually she's the reason why I'm up here because she's the one who brought me back to church. 

I don't know what you are expecting to hear this afternoon and frankly I didn't feel confident at first that I had a worthwhile message to share and had to think and pray about it.  Then I started feeling the first danger signs of pride - someone thinks I'm a good speaker!  I must have something important to say!  It's a constant struggle.  But maybe this is God's way of showing me I have no future as a public speaker.  Or stand-up comedian.

Just to manage expectations, there are no slides so you don't have to take notes... I'm going to share some of my stories and experiences and I hope you find them useful.  It is by no means the definitive version of what it's like to work in the civil service, and many of you probably won't end up working in the service, but I think there are some common threads in working life that apply to both the public and private sectors.

Anyway to start off with, here's someone else's story I came across recently.

Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."

The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."

I love that story.  First of all it's a really funny story, and it was also the first thing I found when I was googling for jokes about humility. Google is incredible.  In fact, Google probably knows I'm here right now giving a talk. Secondly, I like it because behind the humour, there is a serious message about the dangers of pride and how it can affect anyone.  No one is immune.

How many of you tell your colleagues about your faith?  Once you do, people will be watching.  The same thing happens when you become a leader. People watch whether you walk the talk.  And when you are both a leader and a believer?  The stakes become even higher.  And it is easy to understand how we can lose our focus, our bearings when we are under pressure at the office and behave in ways that we should not.   Pressure to meet deadlines and targets for instance.  And this is where some of the verses I really like in Philippians 2:3-4 have guided me.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."

We can do all the right things most of the time and still not display the transformation in our lives that Jesus wants.  Why?  Pride.  It is always there, just lurking below the surface.  And though we may not say it, those around us can hear it, can sense it in the way we talk and interact with others.

And so the second part of those verses in Philippians tells us humility is the key.  "In humility, value others..."  It doesn't just say, "value others". It reminds us we cannot do so without humility. Humility is also not something we can just acquire and it's there for life.  It is like a muscle we need to keep exercising, otherwise it withers away.  And it will serve us well throughout our working lives, from the time when we are just starting out but especially when we are blessed enough to move up into leadership roles in an organisation. 

I started my career in the police force.  It sounds strange now when I say that because at the time, I just wanted to do something useful with my life.  I had no career aspirations as such.  I wanted to do good, fight injustice and all that.  And so I became a police inspector.  But when you have authority and power, that's when you should be careful because it's easy to lose sight of what is important, easy to become arrogant.  And we forget who we are supposed to serve.

One of the stories I want to share is from the time when I was a young investigation officer in Central Police Station in Chinatown.  A private investigator and his female client came into my office.  The PI said the client's husband was likely to be at the mistress's apartment at a Pearlbank apartment, which was just next door, right at that very moment.  They wanted me to accompany them when they confronted the husband. I told them politely that I could not do that, since there was no offence committed.  The lady got agitated and asked "I hire you can or not?". I explained calmly to her that the police fought crime, and was not for hire. Things got a bit heated and the PI tried to intimidate me by saying he had friends in CID, to which I retorted that he could ask them to go with him if he wanted.  Finally he used what he thought was his last trump card and said "What if I got beaten up by the husband?". And I said "Ah, then you can come and make a police report!"

I used to like to tell the story because it always got a laugh. (Thank you).  But if you listened carefully to the emotion and the way I told the story, you would probably sense I told it because it allowed me to boast about how witty I was in countering the PI.  It was my pride talking because I had won the argument.  It was a contest of wits and wills between us and in my arrogant pride I had forgotten there was another person there.  There was no crime committed but the lady was still a victim, the real victim and even though I could not help her, I should have handled her case with more compassion.  To her I must have come across as the worst example of an uncaring public servant.  Essentially  I had forgotten who I was  supposed to serve.   Even though there may not be a case, everyone who walked into my office was a person I was supposed to serve.  I could make excuses now and say that I had many other cases to attend to that day, but to the complainant sitting across from me, there was only one case that mattered.  She did not know about all the other cases I had.  And I was the person she came to for help.  And so this story is impactful now to me, for a very different reason.  So always remember who you are supposed to serve.

Many of you will move on to other jobs and other challenges.  If you allow God to speak to you and guide you, you will find that eventually when you look back, you will be able to look back and see the plan he had for you all along.  When I reflect on my life at various times, I can actually see the the journey He had mapped out for me and I see all the wonderful connections of events in my life that led me to that point.  

I have never really been a very career-minded person. Starting out as a police inspector, I only aspired to have one promotion to make it to ASP and I would have been quite happy.  And throughout my career, I have never really aspired to hold a particular job or pushed for a particular posting.  I am what you call "old school" and if my bosses told me to take up a new posting, I would go, "Ok!" and was open to whatever life threw at me. 

My most enriching posting so far in my career  - ok, maybe I shouldn't say that as a civil servant and especially as I used to work in CPIB.  My most fulfilling(!) posting so far in MOM happened when I didn't like the direction my work was taking and I decided to ask for a secondment opportunity and maybe get a fresh start.  I didn't have a particular place in mind and it was an incredible coincidence(?) that there was a vacancy in MOM at that very time!  It turned out to be the best posting I had in my career. I could have stayed on in my job then and coasted but that did not feel right. This decision turned out to be a life-changing event for me in so many ways because so many pathways opened up after that. Including meeting brother Don here who inspired me with his faith and is the reason why I am here today.

Don't get hung up on titles. When I asked for the secondment I was open to anything though the job description worried me.  I was out of my comfort zone but God is good and watched over me.  I know people who are scared of what the future holds because they are afraid for their status. Some even refuse opportunities to learn and grow in a new job because they think they will miss out on promotion.  But promotions are not guaranteed and perhaps the posting might take them on a different journey that is even more fulfilling!  I have also heard of people who refuse to work under a new boss because they do not want to report to someone they feel is "junior".  I guess what they are really trying to say is that they feel the incoming boss is not "worthy" and it is somehow beneath them to have to work under that boss.  So that's pride speaking again.

While we are on the topic of titles, I want to share this really great story from Simon Sinek's book "Leaders Eat Last" that beautifully illustrates the point I just made.  It's about a former Under Secretary of Defense in the US government, who is giving a speech.  He stops to take a sip of coffee from a Styrofoam cup, looks at it and smiles.

"You know, I spoke here last year. I presented at this same conference on this same stage. But last year, I was still an Under Secretary.

I flew here in business class and when I landed, there was someone waiting for me at the airport to take me to my hotel. Upon arriving at my hotel, there was someone else waiting for me. They had already checked me into the hotel, so they handed me my key and escorted me up to my room. The next morning, when I came down, again there was someone waiting for me in the lobby to drive me to this same venue that we are in today. I was taken through a back entrance, shown to the greenroom and handed a cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup.

But this year, as I stand here to speak to you, I am no longer the Under Secretary. I flew here coach class and when I arrived at the airport yesterday there was no one there to meet me. I took a taxi to the hotel, and when I got there, I checked myself in and went by myself to my room. This morning, I came down to the lobby and caught another taxi to come here. I came in the front door and found my way backstage. Once there, I asked one of the techs if there was any coffee. He pointed to a coffee machine on a table against the wall. So I walked over and poured myself a cup of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup. 

It occurs to me, the ceramic cup they gave me last year . . . it was never meant for me at all. It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a Styrofoam cup.

This is the most important lesson I can impart to all of you.  All the perks, all the benefits and advantages you may get for the rank or position you hold, they aren’t meant for you. They are meant for the role you fill. And when you leave your role, which eventually you will, they will give the ceramic cup to the person who replaces you. Because you only ever deserved a Styrofoam cup."

So it's nice if people serve you but don't get used to it.  One of my bosses had a great attitude and whenever he was asked if he would like a drink, he will always help himself.  Not only that, when we have coffee together outside, he will insist on queuing up and buying the coffee.

That leads me back to a story of my own but it's not about me.

I once attended a meeting in Istana. The cabinet was there and we waited for a while and I didn't know who we were waiting for after the room had filled up. Then Mr Lee Kuan Yew, who was by then the Minister Mentor, walked in and you could just sense the aura of the man filling the room as the room fell silent.  He took his seat and the meeting began.  There was a lively discussion that went back and forth for a long time - and I almost forgot he was there because he had kept quiet throughout. And just when the discussion seemed to be stuck, he spoke up.  My memory fails me now and he couldn't have said more than one or two sentences but my lasting impression is that he cut through all the noise and got to the heart of what was important.  I was blown away by the brilliance of his mind. And for years I would tell the story and end it here.  Just another example of his razor sharp mind.  And that was just who he was. And that was what resonated with me then.

After he passed away, there was a whole outpouring of stories and impressions of him and I suddenly saw him in a very different light in this same story I just told you.  If you were Lee Kuan Yew, how would you behave?  I would admit that I would find it very difficult not to speak up and offer my views, and keep the meeting short you know?  There are many hours of my life spent in meetings that I will never get back.  But in my view he humbled himself.  He was no longer PM, and now fully embraced his role as a member of the team.  He only offered his views when he felt it was right to do so, while giving his younger colleagues the space to learn and grow without undermining them. So to me, he was very clear in his mind who he served.

All of you here have been blessed with some unique gifts.  Some of you have been blessed with skills to provide great leadership.  Humility will enable you to remember who you really serve, and that is the team you are leading.  And humility will also serve to tell you when it is time for you to step aside and pass the mantle, and not cling on to your job when you've clearly overstayed your welcome.  I left MOM after 7.5 of the best years of my life.  I could have stayed on but I thought it was time to move on before it became too comfortable.  I think I handled my departure better than Arsene Wenger!  I think him stepping down was a bigger piece of news than our cabinet reshuffle.   At least in my household...

One way of making that transition easier is to never take yourself too seriously.  Otherwise taking that step down will be difficult.  Some of us work in organizations that have their own rituals and ceremonies and they do serve an important purpose most of the time.  They may uphold some traditions worth preserving, or lend a certain dignity to an occasion.  But be wary when it becomes about more about the leader, when there's a need to make a grand entrance or spectacle rather than focus on what's really important.

Humility is also important when you join an organisation at a senior level.  You see when you are junior, you either have basic training programs or closely supervised on-the-job training to make sure you know your job.  So you are well-taken care of.  People are anxious for you to fit in, to do well and your boss wants to make sure you don't make his life a living nightmare. 

But at senior levels, somehow the opposite is true.  People assume you are ready to hit the ground running and may look to you for answers very quickly.  One of my bosses actually said, with great humility in my view, that he could not have all the answers because he was new.  So don't assume you have a great overall picture or insight right away and above all don't think you can solve the problems quickly.  In fact these might be the same problems that caused your predecessor to leave.  So what can you do to learn the ropes quickly?

I found that it helps a lot, and the experience is both humbling and illuminating,  if we are willing to walk in the shoes of our colleagues.  Two experiences stand out in my mind.

The first one I have to admit, was not something I thought of. In fact you could say it was forced on me.  There was an initiative in MOM when I was there as a director, to get senior management to experience what it was like at the frontlines by doing the actual work for a short period.  I could have said no, or found some excuse not to do it.  Believe me, I tried. I ran through all the different arguments in my mind.  I was the director, and should not have to do it!  It was just for a few hours, and what was the point of it? 

But in reality I was probably afraid I'd embarrass myself.  It was a humbling realisation.  And it was also not a very good excuse and so I psyched myself up and thought, "what was the worst that could happen?"  I would spend a couple of hours serving walk-in customers who came to our counters and it should not be too difficult. 

My colleagues on the other hand, took no chances and assigned someone to hover over my shoulder the whole time. They probably didn't want to have to clear up any mess I created.  Which I probably did.  It had been some time since I last dealt directly with the public and I had forgotten how challenging it could be.  

Another experience I found really useful was to sit in for those basic training programs I mentioned earlier that are provided to young junior personnel.  It can give you a very interesting insight.

And so in one of my previous postings, I decided to attend the very first lesson in the basic training program.   This was meant for new junior personnel. The trainer started by giving a brief introduction to the work of the agency, and its mission statement. So far so good.  Then he flashed a picture of three persons.  This was a picture of the Head of the agency, and the two Deputies (I'm one of them). Then he asked the class this question, "Who are they?"  I thought it was a trick question.  Apparently the rest of the class felt the same way because no one answered.  Then he said, "These are the people you work for!"

In my mind, that was wrong.  I decided to risk it and disagreed with the trainer -  new officers don't challenge trainers!  OK maybe it wasn't really a risk since I was not really a trainee. Plus I outranked him.  I said that all of us serve the agency and the people, not the three of us.  And in fact it was my job to serve the team!  

Back to the issue of joining a new organization.  Until we have walked in someone's shoes, it is tempting to think we can get answers just by looking at the problem and using our brain and intellect.  When you first join an organization, you may have very high expectations initially.  But things are never perfect.  And as you discover these imperfections, sometimes you may be tempted to think, that's so simple to fix!  But it never is.  Think about it.  If it was that simple, it would have been done already. 

When I first realized this for the first time, it was a revelation.  I recalled all the times I had felt and thought the same way, and suddenly saw how arrogant and conceited I had been.  Sometimes I still catch myself thinking in that way if I am totally honest.  That's pride sneaking up on you.  As I said earlier, it's always lurking in the background somewhere.

As you rise up the ranks, humility helps you avoid the pitfalls of power.  You stay more grounded.  You soon learn not to believe all the nice things people say about you. To your face!  People are really nice to bosses.  OK some of the things they say are true! 

Real humility requires courage. Anyone here has done a 360 evaluation?  You'll find some interesting and valuable nuggets in there and probably also some uncomfortable truths. Here's a tip: if there are no uncomfortable truths, you have a problem.  Real humility encourages your colleagues to open up to you because they trust someone who is confident enough to admit they are not perfect.  Real humility will also enable you to graciously accept the feedback that they have given. 

One last thing about humility and being a good team player.  The boss may not agree with your views, and that is his prerogative.  It's not personal.  He is paid to make the big decisions and once you have said your piece, you have done your part and the only thing left to do is to support the decision that is made.

One last word from Billy Graham:

“I heard about a man who was supposed to preach for 20 minutes and he spoke for 30 and 40 and 50. An hour and 20 minutes later he was still speaking. The man who introduced him couldn’t stand it any longer and he picked up a gavel and threw it at the speaker. It missed the speaker and hit a man in the front row, and as the man in the front row was going into subconsciousness, he said, ‘Hit me again, I can still hear him.’”

I'll quit while I'm ahead. Thank you.