I had just such an experience last week in church. It began with the pastor's interview with a judge on the nature of his work. I did not understand the significance of this until later. When the pastor asked the judge what he would like us to pray for in his work, he asked us to pray specifically for two offenders who were determined to turn their lives around.
That was powerful. Here was a man whose first thought wasn't about himself, but about who needed help more. I wondered at the time what it had to do with the sermon. Which by the way was titled "Was it really the marmalade that made the difference?" (Spoiler alert - my title contains the clue)
After the interview, the pastor spoke of an incident he witnessed many years ago in a shop that sold musical boxes. A man and his young son were looking through the boxes. The man decided to buy a large box for 1000 pounds (a fortune in any era for a musical box.) Just then the man saw his son pick up a small box and he told his son very sternly "Put that back! Do you know how much it costs?" It cost a little over 4 pounds.
The pastor said it reminded him of the parable where a man was forgiven his enormous debt, but did not show the same compassion to someone who owed him far less.
Matthew 18:21-35 New International Version (NIV)
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Pastor then spoke of Zacchaeus the tax collector mentioned in Luke 19:1-10 who sought out Jesus. The people criticised Jesus for associating with a tax collector, but Zacchaeus was so overcome by His grace that he decided there and then to give half his possessions to the poor, and to compensate generously anyone he had cheated.
It struck me that sometimes I am like those people who were critical of Jesus. Sometimes I just cannot understand those who forgive too easily, or forgive what I consider unforgiveable. And of course sometimes I am the one who cannot forgive, holding on to a darkness in my heart.
"What about the marmalade?" I hear you ask. Pastor spoke about Paddington 2, the sequel to the first Paddington movie (by the way I cannot recommend the two Paddington movies enough. Hugely entertaining and heartwarming) OK another spoiler alert here if you have not seen the movie. Paddington (it's about the bear, if you must ask) goes to jail and runs up against Chef Knuckles, a nasty brutish inmate who becomes a nicer man after thoroughly enjoying Paddington's specialty - marmalade sandwiches.
The point pastor made was that it wasn't really the marmalade that made the difference, but rather the willingness of Paddington to even engage a character such as Knuckles. How often do we show such charity in our dealings with others we don't particularly like? Sometimes we rationalise it away - "oh he would not appreciate an overture from me so I might as well save myself the aggravation" or "well he might be suspicious about my motives". Of course, we often just don't want to.
Which brings me to something the pastor said of his own personal experience as a prison counsellor. A convicted murderer asked for something which the pastor provided, and he thanked the pastor with an emotionless "You're a star". The incident sent chills down his spine and he could not bring himself to show empathy towards the man. But more significantly, it convicted him in his own heart about all the times he had sinned, had uncharitable thoughts about others.
So why did this move me so much?
Many things in the message resonated with me, especially that last bit about lack of charity. I also fall short of His glory, even if I try and may appear to be a good person. If I have even one uncharitable thought about anyone, it is not good enough. I often catch myself thinking, "Oh I am better than that. I wouldn't have done that!" And as I thought about this, I realised then what the interview at the beginning had been about. Wouldn't it be a far better reaction to follow the lead of the judge when he asked us to pray for the two offenders?
As I ruminated on this sermon throughout the week, one thought popped into my head. We forgive ourselves far more easily than we forgive others.
It's like that man who chided his son for choosing something far, far less costly than what he spent on himself. This is the flipside of the above. He was far more generous with himself than with even his own son.
To some extent, it's perfectly human. I often forgive myself in one sense of the word, because I "know" that my motives were pure, or not malicious. Provided of course I am honest with myself. But when I assess or judge another's words or actions, I ascribe thoughts and motives which I cannot see, that "must" be behind those words or actions.
And yet, even if our instincts are correct, who are we to judge? Why should we not forgive, just as others have forgiven us? Sometimes they do so even when we don't know when we have hurt them or have not asked for their forgiveness. Just as Christ has forgiven all of us. It's up to us to reach out to Him.
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