Expectations and feelings

Continuing the train of thought about ‘fruitlessness’…

People seem to be more unhappy these days because they are constantly told how wonderful they are, how they can be anything they want to be, and so by implication most of the time, whatever job they are doing at the moment is unworthy, is beneath them.

Or even if they do not think that, it’s not something they are invested in. It is merely a means to an end. A good income so that they can pursue leisure. FOMO is a huge motivator these days.

Or they convince themselves that they like the job because they feel good about their job, or parts of it. Feelings are importantly but feelings are often fleeting, shallow and in pandering to them, we lose an opportunity. What do I mean? Well the tendency these days is to cancel, to avoid what’s causing these feelings because they hurt our feelings, and thus losing the opportunity to engage, to find greater common ground.

So at work, if we don’t engage, everyone loses. I’ve had recent encounters where I ask questions and seek clarification. Instead of engaging, the response is to double down, have an excuse/explanation, or both. I wonder if it’s just me, that my way of seeking clarity rub people the wrong way. Or maybe I’m just wrong but they’re too polite to tell me.

Coming back full circle to fruitlessness at work. The constant emphasis on the positive is a trap. As more and more questions remain unanswered, the circle of what provides satisfaction in one’s vocation shrinks more and more.

Fruitfulness at work is not about achievements, whether personal or collective. It's about being engaged. If you are not engaged, even good outcomes feel hollow and empty.  Conversely, if you are engaged, even bad outcomes can be a source of encouragement. It is however challenging to say this in today's environment, where negative things are frowned on.

Yes, it has been tough recently. I try to tiptoe around the subject but it is really challenging to do so about things like basic competence. So I am really trying to engage but I am not getting through. I am looking forward to working with people who are more receptive. Hopefully. I will find out more next week when I am home and have a chat with the team that is looking at my post-retirement job.

Accepting fruitlessness?

This short section in Keller’s book really got me thinking, not just about my own career, but also some of the people who have asked me to coach them.

If you recall, the section talked about the play ‘Amadeus’ in which the main theme was how the composer Salieri envied Mozart’s gift and despaired that he would ever reach the same heights. The question was whether we should give up something just because it does not meet our highest aspirations.

There have been times when I found myself frustrated at work because I felt people were doing things to advance their careers, rather than for the good of the organisation and our mission to serve the public. I would try to encourage them to understand the way I thought about an issue, to nudge them to understand there could be a better way. When that failed, I would feel a mix of emotions. Anger sometimes, that they were not doing the right thing, not serving the public. Despair at other times, when I felt that I had failed because I did not have the courage of my convictions and did not push hard enough to make my point. Which also leads to regret and guilt, that I could have and should have done better.

In a way that is analogous to Salieri’s despair. Could someone else have done a better job than me? Probably. Definitely. But that way of thinking isn’t very productive, at least not at this point in my career. What else could I have done? And there’s no guarantee I would be better at it than this job, or any of the others I had done.

We are where we are (and need to remember that it's His plan), and the only surefire way to ensure we bring Him glory is to love people. That includes gently (sometimes a bit more forcefully if needed, but never with malice) teaching and mentoring others. That includes making people the object of our work. Not ourselves. If we love our work only because of the satisfaction it gives us, that is fickle. Because there is no perfect job. Remember I said all jobs are a series of tasks? Some we enjoy, some less so. And there will be days when the less enjoyable tasks are all that we do. What then?

And in that same vein, if we are consumed by our work for whatever reason (self, money, prestige...), then we have lost the purpose of work that God intended for us. And that purpose, no matter the vocation, is to love others.

And so I look forward to my next vocation, to coach full time. There, the link to what I said about God's purpose for our vocations, is much clearer. And in a sense, I had been aware of this for quite a while. I had asked to be posted to Training for a long time but my request went unheeded. God had a different plan for me, and I got to be trained as a coach which is sort of the same thing - I am basically a personal trainer (of the mind! No weights needed)

This calling in a sense, has been with me for a long time. The way I have always worked is to coach and learn something myself. So when someone sends me a paper to edit/approve, I would add comments and ask questions, rather than just edit and reply. Some appreciated it, but others did not - perhaps they found me trying!

And I occasionally get reminders of this when someone I used to work with in the past, would recall something that I had said, that resonated with them and which they still remember to this day. Most of the time I don't even recall what I said!!! But I am guessing that I must have been moved by the Spirit even way back then.

Love through work

Reading through Keller’s” Every good endeavour" I was struck by a particular passage where he quotes John Calvin who said “No task will be (seen as) so sordid and base, provided you obey your calling in it, that it will not shine and be reckoned very precious in God’s sight”.

The insight came from the word “task” because it suggests that the principle applies not just to jobs, but also to everyday tasks, even though that is a different context from what Calvin intended. But let's talk about work for a moment.

Indeed all work is but a series of tasks. If we are fortunate enough and sufficiently blessed, we will work in a job where most of the tasks are pleasant and even enjoyable. Though most jobs will involve elements that we do not relish but have to do anyway. But that isn’t the main point I was trying to make.

The type of everyday tasks that I refer to, take place outside of the official context of work and most commonly found in the relationships we are in, whether at work or at home.

The easiest illustration is when you are in a romantic relationship and think nothing of doing things for each other, even if it may be unpleasant or is something you don’t particularly like to do. And while it isn’t quite transactional except in some manipulative relationships, there is still an unsaid expectation that you do it because the other person loves you. I suppose the easiest test is this. Would you still do it if the other person was not a romantic interest?

Ah maybe you'd say, I would still do it if that person is a friend, male or female... Which still does not quite remove the transactional nature of it. So would you still do it if it was not a friend? Would you still do it if it was in fact someone you did not like? I am not suggesting that we allow ourselves to be made use of, to be manipulated by others. It just occurred to me that sometimes I would help a perfect stranger, but would not do the same thing for someone I did not like, even if it is something that cost me nothing.

If we truly obey God, and His instruction to love others, we would help anyone and everyone. And to bring the topic back to the issue of tasks, the nature of the task would also not matter. We would not pick and choose to do only what we like. We would help as best as we can, whenever we can.