Godly sorrow

2 Corinthians 7:8-13

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. 13 By all this we are encouraged.

Recently I received some feedback which I alluded to earlier. It was not good feedback. Someone commented that they had not seen many reports of meetings from me of late. It was true and my first reaction was that I should explain myself. I had been home on leave for a while, and on my return I had taken a while to recover after the euphoria of those wonderful few weeks back home had worn off. And it was also true that I had tried to arrange meetings but many people were off on their summer holidays in August.

Nevertheless I also felt convicted that I had been not giving my best . It has been a struggle, on various fronts (not just work) and the lack of feedback was something I needed to work with. I could not use it (lack of feedback) as an excuse and needed to just get on with it as I did initially when I first came.

I managed I think, to redeem myself and it has been a busy period of late. However, it also got me thinking about who I should be pleasing. I’ve never really been one to seek approval of my work supervisors though the feedback does hurt and I feel that I’ve not really been appreciated for a while now. The feeling of ennui started many years ago and led to my seeking a second secondment and I landed in MOM. It turned out to be a real blessing and I felt appreciated and to this day, people still try to connect with me and though I’ve left so many years ago, I still feel very much a part of the family there. In fact I just got recently invited to two retirement parties from my ex-colleagues there! Too bad I’m not in town, but it was really nice to be remembered you know?

But I digress, as usual.

I realise now that if we seek to please other people, it almost always ends in disappointment. Either with ourselves for being unable to please that person, or with that person for not appreciating us or our efforts. And so we constantly struggle with trying our best and trying to make sure that person notices, and sometimes also not trying so hard that we look desperate or needy. We should never be obsequious because it always leads to compromise in standards. That person whose endorsement we want, may have dubious motivations that we may not be aware of.

What is the standard we need to hold to? What is the standard that would apply across time in all situations?

I think the real answer, the only one I can come up with is that we should always ensure our work brings glory to God, even if it is detrimental to our personal aspirations, our personal success. That is the only enduring standard across time. Other considerations, especially in today's context are increasingly suspect, and usually political. Diversity, being pro-whatever "flavour of the day cause" all cause wider problems than they can resolve within a narrow context.

The other more obvious reason of course is that if we work for reward, to get ahead/promoted, it results in temptations. Reward is not a bad thing but remember it comes from God. As the old cliche goes, "Deserves got nothing to do with it." Life can often seem unfair. And while it is tempting (and natural) to feel that we are unfairly done by at times, there are probably many others who work harder, are more deserving, and yet are worse off. So we need to always watch our attitudes and cultivate an attitude of thankfulness for what we have. Not that we should just be happy with what we have, but perhaps the real epiphany for me is the need to separate work from earthly reward, strange as that sounds.

Colossians 3:23-24 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

So maybe not as strange as I thought. Work for the glory of God. He will decide your rewards, both here and when we meet him.

But back to the verse at the beginning of this post. What's the connection? Resist the temptation to be defensive about negative feedback. At the very least, question why they felt it necessary to give it. Surely there must be some element of 'truth' (unless they are totally deranged, or have it in for you) from their perspective. And it is not easy giving such feedback. We should appreciate it and I did. I thanked the person who gave me the feedback and said/admitted that I can do better.

Even when we fall short of the standard, when we have not brought glory to Him, we can still react in a manner that will bring Him glory when confronted with the truth.

Groaning and longing

2 Corinthians 5:1-10

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

This passage really resonated with me while doing the BRD earlier this week.

It has been a difficult period after the euphoria of going home, Gabe's wedding and Matt's commencement wore off. August is traditionally a slow month here because many people are off on their summer holidays and I felt a bit out of sorts. I have always believed in the power of doing meaningful work, of feeling productive and knowing that what I do matters. I won't belabour the point but it can be a vicious spiral when you are not sure if your efforts are making a difference, and it then becomes a struggle to muster the motivation to keep pushing on. But strangely, during this period I got some feedback that wasn't that positive and it helped. It helped because at least I know what people consider important and while it got me down briefly, that soon passed.

In fact I told my ex-boss that bad feedback was better than no feedback and he laughed out loud. It is funny but true. Most of my career I have not received useful feedback. At best I got perfunctory reassurances that I was doing well, and for a while I suppose it was true - otherwise I would not have gotten as far as I did, though I have seen enough baffling examples suggesting that it's who you know, rather than what you do, that matters.

This is not to say I advocate that approach. Indeed I have spent my life trying my best to be professional in my work, and not by 'managing upwards'. I would like people to think that I got where I am because I earned it and not because of who I buttered up. And also because I am more introverted, I choose who I spend my time with more carefully and this has probably led to an impression that I don't engage well with people. Indeed I heard a comment that I am not really suited for this job, and I can understand why.

But I also think that all jobs involves roles that you have to learn, and I think I have managed that well enough. I have worked all my life mostly trying to figure out how to do the job better, rather than what's best for me or my career. And this is rather a bit of a long-winded way of getting to the point in the passage above. The key message I am focusing on is verse 9 "So we make it our goal to please Him." If we focus not on ourselves, but on pleasing Him, we will never go wrong. It is also my belief that if we do this right, even mistakes that we make will be forgiven because we made them in good faith, that it was a matter of judgement rather than integrity. And people can see that, and forgive such mistakes. More importantly, they continue to trust you, especially if you were honest about the mistake.

Another reason the passage resonated with me is that it captures the essence of my time here in London, away from all of you. Home is like heaven, and being with family is like going home to Jesus, our Father. Being away from our true home is difficult. Because we have to contend with our earthly burdens on our own, just as I struggle with the burdens of living and working here (as I have described above). Singapore is so much more efficient that we take it for granted, and only realise it when we have to deal with inefficiencies elsewhere. But that is a minor inconvenience, compared with missing out on the joys of family.

Still I have been blessed tremendously as I am not away for too long and each trip home is packed with wonderful memories. These memories is the fuel that keeps me going. And it is through the absences that I have greater clarity, have come to learn more, grown in faith more, more than I would have if I was just in Singapore. And in times like this, when I find myself missing home, I remind myself that it must be all part of His plan, how things fell into place and that the difficult times are part of the deal. I feel like Paul writing to the various churches, telling them how he longs to see them again.

God bless all of you.

What is freedom

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

The Believer’s Freedom

23 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

This was something in the Wesley series that made me stop to reflect. The two verses are I believe, meant to be looked at from the perspective of believers who are freed from the law that Christ has fulfilled. Paul tells us of this new freedom and how we ought to treat this new responsibility. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it?  Surely freedom is most often associated with the modern idea that you answer to no one, are not accountable to anyone, and have no responsibility for anyone or anything except your own happiness.

And yet this unencumbered pursuit of individual happiness does not seem to make people happier. It seems to me all the freedoms that liberal societies cherish so much have resulted in greater division, intolerance, and hostility. If the idea of freedom centred on individual rights isn't the answer, what then should this 'freedom' be? 

The verses above provide the answer, or at least a guide. It debunks our modern interpretations about individual freedoms and rights, because these centre on the self. Verse 24 says no one is to seek their own good. A clever rebuttal to that might be a quote often misattributed to Voltaire but which comes from Evelyn Beatrice Hall: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Which suggests that this is some kind of universal human right that people will fight for while disregarding their personal opposition to the opinion being expressed.

Sounds well and good in theory. In practice, where has this gotten us? Despite what liberal societies keep trying to tell us, the experiment is still in play and remains far from settled. We disagree far more violently than before. The solution?

Verse 24 continues. "...but the good of others." God in His infinite wisdom, tells us the key is to look outside of ourselves. It just occurred to me that focusing on individual rights is largely an exercise in loss aversion or FOMO. Social media does that beautifully today. We don't want to miss out, so we fight for our right to explore anything that might be the key to happiness. Love is one of the main things, or the main thing that people look for.

God created man, and gave him a companion. We are meant to love. I just read somewhere a wonderful explanation about the Trinity and how that explains the origins of love - that it could not exist if God didn't love anyone or anything before creating man. We are meant, designed to give love.

But today it's all backwards. People are told there is a perfect soulmate for them out there, that they should not settle, that they can have it all. So they go out there thinking there is someone out there who will make them happy, and all they need to do is find this perfect match.

A good corollary of this is a recent social media clip I saw in which someone (purportedly a lawyer) cite the statistic that more than 70 percent of marriages end in divorce, and therefore the decision to get married is 'negligent'. Of course this is one of those clips meant to provoke, and tries to be clever in creating a punchline to get eyeballs. It was shared by a friend and for some reason, it really got me thinking hard and somehow got me going. This is what I wrote.

"It's a misleading argument using just one statistic without context. It only makes sense if you think about it in purely financial terms. Then that's what pre-nups are for. But in my view, that's not a real relationship founded on love.

If the argument then is about relationships and the likelihood of breaking up, then the whole universe of relationships must be considered, including all couples that didn't get married. And in extremis, you must include all dating couples as well. The stat would then make even grimmer reading.

Then clearly the conclusion must be, don't get involved with anyone at all. Because the odds are against it.

Which makes no sense. Love isn't about stats. You don't go into a relationship thinking about the odds. If you do, then you're a cold calculating person who isn't looking for love, but self gratification."

As I finish writing this tonight, it seems quite timely. Tomorrow it would be 40 years since I met the woman I fell in love with, who has given me everything of real value in my life, the most important of which are God, and you boys.