Reflection upon reflection

This was something that popped up in my FB memories today. It was one of my more reflective posts…

The original post from 8 years ago… “There are two types of mistakes. Those that prove you are trying and those that prove you are not.”

And then this 5 years ago…

“ I can't remember what led to this 5 years ago but a recent incident illuminated this for me. I needed assistance on an issue and the person told me what the official position and solution was. It was not very practical nor helpful (for my problem) and I asked if there was another way. I was surprised by the answer. The person said they could try something but there was no guarantee it would work.

A few lessons for me here. The initial exchange was through text and looking back, I was guilty of showing my annoyance. The person responding asked if we could chat on whatsapp and I'm glad we did. We are more careful and civilized when we speak (more so when it is face to face). This person probably recognized the irritation in my text and chose a better way to communicate. I am humbled and grateful for the wisdom and tolerance.

Secondly I learnt that a simple question opens up possibilities. I could have had a possible solution fixed in my mind and pushed for it. The other party would probably dig in and defend the official line and we would both be the poorer for it. Instead I asked if there was a better way. Sure it may not always work but the odds are better. First I defer to the person who has the skills and authority/responsibility. It is unfair to demand a particular solution because we are not in their shoes. Our posture is important. Are we opening up ourselves and showing our vulnerability in seeking help? People are much more likely to respond to that.

The last lesson for me is the most surprising. I started this post thinking about that quote from 5 years ago and wanted to illustrate with this incident how the unwillingness to try is often manifested in small subtle ways and is such a tremendous obstacle to our personal and professional growth. We make excuses for ourselves and here I'm reminded of that expression "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good ". The person's response ("but there's no guarantee it will work ") I think, contained some traces of that which was to be the focus of this post, but the epiphany I've had is that both sides in the conversation have a part to play. Sometimes my own arrogance and expectations are also the obstacle. They can be too high (where i think I know best) or where it's too low (when I think the other party won't be helpful, and yes, also that I think I know better).

Slight related digression here triggered by recent incidents. Deeper reflection rather than a rush to judgement and 'punishment' through social media, will give us so much more. We need to remove the planks in our own eyes. We need to uplift (not just others but ourselves too) by engaging and understanding, not by shaming and canceling. The former recognizes we have a role, to show love for our fellow man, a fellow sinner. "Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that".  (Martin Luther King Jr). Engagement is an act of love that may change that person's mind or heart. Shaming and canceling is the antithesis of engagement and  drives such behavior into the shadows and feeds the ravenous trolls out there.”