Adventures in parenting - the sequel

I last reminisced on Facebook about the joys and tribulations of having kids, the wonder and amazement of seeing your newborn, of watching them in their early years when they are still cute enough to get away with everything.  This is the next chapter - when we watch them grow into people who will try everything, question everything, and challenge you. On. Every. Single. Thing.

Ephesians 6:1-3 

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”---which is the first commandment with a promise--- “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth .”

Well, I live in hope.  

First rule in tackling this rebelliousness. Bluff. "You're grounded!" Or, "I'm going to cut your allowance!".  Then the bluff gets called, far too easily.  Time for escalation. "You're not going to inherit my computer!" . My son actually asked me when he was quite young, "Daddy, when you die, can I have your computer?". True story.  The only thing left after this is to leave them out of the will...

When they are younger though, the challenge isn't really to your authority but your pseudo-authority.  You know, the type that comes from... Experience. Now everyone is an expert, just a Google search away from confronting you with real evidence from real authorities.  Thankfully my kids still mainly use the computer for playing games...

What do you do when confronted with real evidence?  You provide context, explain it away that back in your days, that was how it was. Eggs were bad. Butter was especially bad! Red meat was bad. Now it's probably still bad in excess but we have an antidote. Red wine. 

And kang kong (spinach) was bad for swimmers. Yes really. It made you cramp more easily. According to the 'professional nutritionist' who was my mother.

Of course this admission of how things were in the old days, leaves you open to the charge that you are ignorant, behind the curve, not with it, not hip nor cool.  My answer to that is "Wait".  Our time will come.  The silver generation will become the largest demographic and we will get to ride our motorized wheelchairs in our own lanes and those pesky little scooters better get out of the way.

Colossians 3:20-21

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Communication is obviously the big challenge now.  We can't really talk to them in the same way because the topics become tougher. We have to accept we don't have all the answers. We have possible answers.  And sometimes we may just have to let them get on with it.  Waiting has another advantage.  You get to play the humility card, and if you are lucky, the "I told you so" card eventually.  

So I ate two half-boiled eggs every day when I was a kid - which I sort of hated then and probably did protest to my mother about.  And when the doctors went to town about cholesterol in eggs and whatever evils lurked within those horrible runny yolks, I felt vindicated.  Now they tell us eggs are like this super perfect food (Ya Kun was waaay ahead of the curve) and you should eat two every day!  I guess my mother knew her stuff after all.

The other major issue in raising these youths (who aren't really kids anymore but not quite adults because they still can't remember to set their alarms to get up on time; or willfully ignore it) is finding that right balance between mothering them (I use the term deliberately) and the school of benign neglect.  Of which I am headmaster of.  My wife does not know I am writing this.

You see, just as our kids transit into adulthood, parents have to as well.  If we keep catching them when they fall, they never learn to break their falls.  They will be Humpty Dumptys and not omelettes, if you catch my drift.  Eggs again.  Ok I am determined to squeeze every last drop of yolk from this egg metaphor - the school of benign neglect says a little heat isn't a bad thing.  When dropped, the shell cracks but the egg (hopefully hard boiled - great Chow Yuen Fatt movie by the way) is intact.

But it is tough and I understand the mother's sentiment and difficulty in letting go.  They carried these babies around for a couple of months - the only equivalent for the men is if we walked around with a backpack during NS that got heavier and heavier.  That would have been a bummer because the backpacks wouldn't have turned into something cool or awesome.