Irrelevance Part 2

What's with this irrelevance focus of late?

It has been a topic simmering in my subconsciousness for a while now, and I only just realised it when a recent incident proved to be the trigger that brought it to the surface. What is this irrelevance in the first place?

As always, Tim Keller's podcasts proved invaluable. One of the key ideas that his sermons revolve around, is the idea that all of us, seek meaning and validation in our lives. I am sure others have come to the same conclusions but he's the one who has influenced me the most so... It is this constant search for significance that drives all human behavior. There is a void within our soul that we yearn to fill because we sense intuitively that we were meant for something greater, that there is a reason for our existence. 

We want our existence to mean something, our efforts to make a difference to someone somewhere (doesn't have to be the world). We dread, no we fear being insignificant (irrelevant) - that our short time in this world is just a chasing after the wind. The book that really drives this home is of course Ecclesiastes. The lament in Ecc 1:2 "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless." is not just a cry of frustration. It is also a cry for help.

There are a few main paths we can take in our search for this. Some decide that influence and power over others is the way and so they seek superiority by accumulating wealth and status. Others find a cause that essentially fulfills the same objective about finding some universal truth - whether it is climate change, animal rights, LGBTQ or any other political cause. Many of these are worthy causes but they are also the most prone to excesses. Those who champion a certain perspective, but feel insignificant or unheard or powerless to make any effective change, are liable to lash out in their fury and anger. Just look at the recent cases of those who have carried out terrorist attacks - many of them write manifestos detailing their frustrations.  They are not just out to cause mayhem, but they come to some misguided conclusion that violence is the only way to make their voice heard. They will not be ignored.

Thankfully most of us, find less extreme ways to channel our energies. It may be a passion, a hobby that proves we are 'better', that we 'get it', that we are 'hip'. Indeed, this is the foundation on which social media is built. And some of us are fortunate enough to find some labour that fulfills us. Ecclesiastes 3:22 "So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?" 

I have been sufficiently blessed for large chunks of my career to find fulfillment in my labours.  Of course there have been low points, which I have shared with you often. But even in those moments, I have always managed to find a silver lining - there were still some who valued what I could contribute. I still mattered, albeit in a limited way. But these last few years, without any real support, without anyone to supervise, without any consistent and direct supervision, I have had to find my own way to feel that I was still making a decent contribution. I thought I managed it pretty well. But it takes its toll.

With every non-response, every tiresome and challenging discussion that goes nowhere, every illogical point to refute, I am getting hollowed out from the inside. I begin to feel invisible, that my efforts are like a meaningless chasing after the wind. It is impossible to explain this to anyone else. After all, I am living the life am I not? I am richly rewarded for my 'labour' am I not? But those things I can enjoy with the fruit of my labour are merely a temporary distraction and no substitute for the real satisfaction I seek. Meaning.

This all came to a head when a decision that would affect me directly was not presented to me directly. It seemed another manifestation of the meaninglessness of my existence, that I did not matter and was being taken for granted. And I reacted badly but did not understand why at the time. After two hard days, I finally got it.

Next: how to deal with it.