I turned to my favourite podcast by Tim Keller. It is quite amazing that often, the podcast episode I listen to at the time uncannily speaks directly about what's troubling me then.
This episode was titled "Wonderful Counselor" and covered verses in Hebrews Chapters 3-5. Keller makes the point that Hebrews was written for a people who were facing tough times and on the verge of giving up. A main theme is that "life in this world is a journey... through a wilderness." and that the only way to get through it is by getting counselling. (The irony is that I am holding the designation of Counsellor here, and I need counselling).
The writer of Hebrews is telling them (and us) that we are living in the wilderness - like the desert the Jews were wandering in for 40 years. Sure it is not the same type of desert, but it is a desert just the same in terms of the lack of things that provide real satisfaction, that deep meaning I wrote of in the previous post. Everything that might give us happiness (even spouses, family etc) is transient for we will perish eventually. God also seems to be absent because we are not getting what we want and in the process it can be very easy to harden our hearts against Him.
And that got me thinking as well about my time here. This is a wilderness here. Faith is in retreat, under assault and the foundations of society appear to be coming apart at the seams. Despair becomes second nature and it is a struggle to fight against it. It is deeply insidious and slowly comes over you. It is why I did not recognise it at first because my own faith provided some protection but over time, that resistance gets worn down. It is also no great surprise that mental health issues are so commonly discussed here as a big threat because the only true solution faith, has largely been discredited. People scramble around for solutions (that will give them their raison d'etre, their great meaning in life) and come up with stuff that circle the issue but can never get to grips with it.
But the part that spoke unexpectedly to me was related to the earlier point about how even things that would appear to be closest to the actual answer, like our family and friends, cannot give us the counselling that enables the spiritual rest we are looking for. And the reason is that only God can provide both types of counselling we need. Keller speaks of the ministry of truth and tears.
Jesus is the ultimate counsellor because He can speak the truth to us when we need it, and He is also able to shed tears with us when we need the compassion - Keller illustrates this in referencing John 11 when talking about Jesus' very different response to the same statement by both Martha and Mary when they said their brother would still be alive if Jesus was there earlier. And He can do it because He has the ultimate credibility - He has the authority to speak the truth, and He has suffered for our sins to be able to fully empathise when we are in despair.
Life often presents us situations that require one or the other. Sometimes we just need to hear the hard facts from our spouse, our parents, our friends - without caveats, without them pulling their punches. Because to do so otherwise means that they are not really helping. But sometimes we just need a listening ear and empathy, not a hard rebuke. Most of us are good at one or the other, or maybe decent at both, but we cannot be the wonderful counsellor that all people need.
This is also why the modern obsession to find the love of one's life, that one person who will fulfill this wonderful role if you are both to grow together, results in so much pain and suffering. Because we seek a perfection no human can provide. Nor are we able to be that perfect person.
It has been illuminating for me in that while I always knew or guessed that the answer to my troubles would lie in the Word, this episode has directed me to a deeper truth, a deeper understanding.
And it has given me insight as well into my next role as a trainer and coach. This new perspective about truth and tears really gives me a clearer description of the foundation that I rely on. The style of coaching I’ve learnt is about asking questions to get to a truth that has meaning for the client. This is done without judgement on my part, but it must evoke a feeling in them that they have come to a clear unbiased view of the truth that resonates for them. And sometimes this only comes about when I ask hard questions. At the same time, I can show empathy where appropriate, when they face situations that I’ve come across in my long career. I can describe the emotions I felt when encountering those very same predicaments, so that they know someone shares their pain, that they are not alone.
This feeling that no one understands your pain is a very human tendency. Tolstoy famously wrote, “All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way “. The mistake with this quote I think is to read it literally. The deeper truth or real truth lies in his sentiment.
No comments:
Post a Comment